Thursday, December 17, 2009

Ah Consequences...

Gums bleed.
Fingernails too.
Consequence paid for nights I don't want to look at myself and the thoughts running mad
Lead teeth to pick and bite and tear apart pieces of me
Ah consequences
Self-reflection in a tiny dentist mirror
There is decay and damage here
Each tooth holding a history of food eaten and moments ignored
Each finger, a print, a map with no destination to the chasms in my head
Late arrivals, crashing in front of the TV
Same here under the eyes, the pores open, I pour open
get deeper
get older
Don't want to wash my face, don't want to wash my sins
Leave them on me
Let them sleep in me and me in them
Drunken crashing, colliding with my pillow
Teeth left to rot in the aftermath
of whiskey pools and soda fizz
Like sunburns time again
I left myself out too long
Ah, consequence

What was I avoiding all those nights
eating candy, watching videos, bag after bag of 25 cent deliciousness
long weekends in 7th grade on Grand st. and Bialystoker
By myself when mama went out
Movie after movie, snack after snack
Was I always hiding?
Like each ripple of cellulite
a memory bank of meals
Ah, consequence

What about nights I pretended to brush my teeth
Dad would smell my breath to make sure that I did.
I'd put a hint of toothpaste on my tongue
A small rebellion at a large price
And even still I force myself down the long hallway to face myself
and what I've done to my mouth
8 cavities
3 root canals
4 crowns
one pulled
And a yellow shade of consequence

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

If God was my homegirl

"Ummm....excuuuuussseee me!

Where have you been?
Oh no, Oh no...I've been waiting mad long fo you!" Said God to her homegirl.

"I've been waiting for you to GET IT TOGETHER! (in rhythm with long fingernail hand claps).

"How many mutha effin' times I gots to tell you, you are the LIGHT OF THE WORLD!!!

And you sure as hell don't need all that bullshit you been carrying around in your head.
Who do you think I am? Bitch please. I'm God. I made the earth, the trees, with birds, awwwwwlllll kinds of animals and shit.

Amazing things I've done. Come on now, gimme some. (An extended pound)

And I made you, girl. So what you think you just apart of the scenery, meant to look cute and shit. I did make you kinda cute, now didn't I, with your little freckle face. Come on now, I squeezed the sun like a grapefruit to sprinkle those love jewels on you. You know how hard that is! Shiiiiiiiiiit

I made you to shine. I made you to live in the glory of the creation that is you. Um Hello?
And you are my child and I'm fly ok...haha She gets it from her mama (with a booty shake song to the left n right) So you best believe you fly too.

I created you, all of you, to love and be loved. But somebody wanted to go out there and get all uppity and start changing shit. Started getting everybody excited and afraid like there's a hell or whatever, when the only hell there is, is the one in that little itty bitty pea brains of yours.
Haha can you imagine, an old horned monster with a pitchfork breathing fire...hahahhahahahah stop it, your hurting me hahahahahhahahaha (holding her bellyfull of laughter).

Then you let that fear shit start to control you and then other people start to use that fear shit on their fellow human beings to control them too. Then there's all this killing and fighting and what not. And I'm sitting up here like, Fool, you better stop hurting each other like that. You think that shit don't hurt me too! Here I am Almighty Mutha effin God and I told you to love each other and here you are doing the exact opposite. It's offensive really.

But you know I love y'all so I'm gonna be there for you (catching feelings, wiping elephant tears away). I'm here to forgive you when your heart is open and ready for me, like BONG, here I am, take me, use me...and I'll be there. But when you living in that fear its harder for me to reach you, you're all clouded and murky in there. No wonder the storms come. No wonder the earth rumbles. People living in fear makes Mama cry, makes Mama's stomach ache.

Aight. Let me bring it back now, back to you.
Girl, it's time to let the past go boo. I got you. Don't let this fear shit drown out your head with all that nonsense. Listen to me. You came from eternity bitch. Now go out there and do what you gots to do, OK! Cus time is money and money is energy and energy is love and love cannot be wasted. ( Snaps, snaps, snaps)
The love you have inside of you is a gift, what you gonna do, play with the wrapping paper, the pretty bow?
Let somebody take your present away from you?
Let somebody tell you it ain't good enough?
Let your gift just sit there collecting dust, next to little cheap animal ornaments?
Or you gonna take that gift I gave you, you know what I'm saying, take that gift and do right by it and give it back to the world.
Give it where its needed. Give it where its wanted. Where it can be received. And in the darkest of corners where love is not wanted, where love is cast out, let your love shine like a streetlight so they can still find their way home.
Honey, love is a cycle, love is a river, love flows baby. Love gives and gives back.
You gotta love you boo, like I do.
So what you waiting on? Get to stepping mama...I gotta do my hair before I set the sun.