Thursday, December 17, 2009

Ah Consequences...

Gums bleed.
Fingernails too.
Consequence paid for nights I don't want to look at myself and the thoughts running mad
Lead teeth to pick and bite and tear apart pieces of me
Ah consequences
Self-reflection in a tiny dentist mirror
There is decay and damage here
Each tooth holding a history of food eaten and moments ignored
Each finger, a print, a map with no destination to the chasms in my head
Late arrivals, crashing in front of the TV
Same here under the eyes, the pores open, I pour open
get deeper
get older
Don't want to wash my face, don't want to wash my sins
Leave them on me
Let them sleep in me and me in them
Drunken crashing, colliding with my pillow
Teeth left to rot in the aftermath
of whiskey pools and soda fizz
Like sunburns time again
I left myself out too long
Ah, consequence

What was I avoiding all those nights
eating candy, watching videos, bag after bag of 25 cent deliciousness
long weekends in 7th grade on Grand st. and Bialystoker
By myself when mama went out
Movie after movie, snack after snack
Was I always hiding?
Like each ripple of cellulite
a memory bank of meals
Ah, consequence

What about nights I pretended to brush my teeth
Dad would smell my breath to make sure that I did.
I'd put a hint of toothpaste on my tongue
A small rebellion at a large price
And even still I force myself down the long hallway to face myself
and what I've done to my mouth
8 cavities
3 root canals
4 crowns
one pulled
And a yellow shade of consequence

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